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Thread: Adult Children Living with Parents

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  1. #1
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    Adult Children Living with Parents

    I noticed a couple of you are dealing with this situation. I thought the topic deserved it's own thread.

    As parents, how does it make you feel? I'm dealing with it from a different perspective. My sister, her husband and their daughter are living with MY parents, and I am struggling with a lot of different aspects of it. Might be a good thing to discuss here with ATC friends since it's the "offseason" anyway.
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  2. #2
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    My biggest problem is that it has damaged the relationship between MY family and my parents. There is this massive feeling of inequality that I have a hard time dealing with. They are basically getting a free ride, and making no significant attempt to improve their situation and get out. My parents are not willing to put them "out on the street", but I feel they are taking advantage of the situation.
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  3. #3
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    Yeah Mike, I've also had this situation before. My older daughter will be 27 next week. She still lives at home since graduating college about 3 years ago. She does have a job, is paying off loans, and is trying to make it in the music industry, so I'm not totally disgusted - yet!
    Both my husband and I are the oldest of 4 kids. It does seem that most of our siblings have lived with parents -as adults - at least for a short time. My brother-in -law did live with his mom for several years after he was married and had a son. His then-wife wouldn't work so it took them a long time to get on track after college.
    On the other hand, my husband and I went right from college to our own apartment, so it does sometimes feel inequitable!
    I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

  4. #4
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    My two eldest have been on their own since they were 18/19 and they have been doing
    really well as they actually live together anyway. So I'm not phased at all by them coming
    home as actually I'm really looking forward to it. Eldest daughter will be away from September with the youngest daughter who is also going to University.
    Both the eldest have jobs, so no worries on that score. They are using the opportunity to
    save a bit more money as well as helping the dear parents out as well..
    But if the situation arose I would tell them they would
    have to find alternative accommodation if they started to take us for granted.
    Merry Christmas to all...




  5. #5
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    Yeah. My parents were actually kind of excited at the idea of having their granddaughter around all the time, originally. It's now been almost 4 years, and the novelty has definitely worn off, and yet my parents still sit idly by and don't force anything.

    Here is why I am so pissed about it:

    Both my sister and her husband quit jobs at the post office around the time their daughter was born. Sister did it because she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and her husband was fine with that. Meanwhile, he decided to pursue his dream of being in real-estate. Well, you can imagine how that has gone. They lost their house to foreclosure. Now, my sister has decided she is going to home-school her kid rather than get a job. Brother-in-law makes almost no money selling houses. Bottom line: I feel that since my parents are completely supporting them, they have the power to insist they both get REAL jobs and actually work toward independence again. As it stands, that will never happen.

    As all this is going on, my wife and I have also struggled financially, and been forced to make hard decisions as a result. So you can see...relationships have become strained, to say the least. My parents just keep telling me, "We'd do the same for you." and that is supposed to make me feel better? We have not spoken to them since Christmas. They live about 25 minutes away.
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  6. #6
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    Here's the latest I've heard: My parents have purchased a house in Las Vegas. They are hoping to move by this summer. While I haven't discussed it with them yet, I would be willing to bet they are going to let my sister and her family simply live in their house for free. If this ends up being the case, smoke will be rolling out of my ears with anger!!!
    I love Outdoor Christmas Lights!!

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by MinnesotaMike View Post
    My biggest problem is that it has damaged the relationship between MY family and my parents. There is this massive feeling of inequality that I have a hard time dealing with. They are basically getting a free ride, and making no significant attempt to improve their situation and get out. My parents are not willing to put them "out on the street", but I feel they are taking advantage of the situation.
    I feel for you. Parents have to make a lot of decisions and often make the wrong ones. My mother, for instance, is an enabler and we tried to explain that to her, but she wouldn't listen. Yet I know it's hard for her to let go.

    "Hail him who saves you by his grace,
    and crown him Lord of all."

  8. #8
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    Smile

    Quote Originally Posted by MinnesotaMike View Post
    My biggest problem is that it has damaged the relationship between MY family and my parents. There is this massive feeling of inequality that I have a hard time dealing with. They are basically getting a free ride, and making no significant attempt to improve their situation and get out. My parents are not willing to put them "out on the street", but I feel they are taking advantage of the situation.
    I tried to read the thread and all posts very carefully and I have to admit that, even if Im not a parent, I believe your parents got into a really difficult situation, just and only just, because they love their kid..

    It seems to me, that your sister and husband did not ''make the right moves''..
    I think (and Im sorry If Im getting too much in your family matters..) that husband should not quit job, especially this period, the most important for a family with a new member...
    I think, this is the period that husband has to be responsible for his family and bring stability to home..

    To pursue our dream, is what we all want, tell me one who would not want to... But, the question is: Can we do it, without bring problems to others and especially our family???
    Cause, if we want to, we then first should be ok with our responsibilities.. And that is our family, our baby and our home..

    I think, that, if we all come to Mikes position, we would all probably do the same thing, as his parents did..
    The thing for me, is: Does your sister and brother in law have realised into what problems this situation have brought to families??
    And I wonder, why your parents move and leave their house?? Are they tired with this situation? By moving to another city, is this a way, maybe, for them to make the couple become more responsible and take life in their hands finally?

    Im sorry, if I write something that does not sound very good to you, I just wanted to express what I got inside, reading your thread..

    With all my respect, to you and your family, dear Mike.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    And so, as Tiny Tim observed, "God Bless us!! Everyone!!''
    A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens (1843)

  9. #9
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    i know this thread is old but it struck a chord with me (i must not have been posting much back then). i've also been struggling with what is basically for me sibling rivalry and parents favoriting and enabling my younger sis who is of the entitlement generation. a situation very similar to yours, Mike, has recently arose. But it's a situation that I knew long ago was coming...and now I have only to see where the chips fall, so to speak...but i kind of already know where this is headed.


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  10. #10
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    UPDATE: My parents decided to put off any plans of moving to Las Vegas in the near term. Meanwhile, their neighbor lost his house to foreclosure, and has moved out. He has allowed my sister, her husband and daughter to move in there until the authorities decide to force them out. SO...my parents have their house back, at least for a awhile. Although, nothing has changed as far as either of them working to support their family. They go to my parents' house when they need household items and just take them. I will say that with OUR efforts, the relationship between MY family and my parents has improved. Baby steps, I guess.
    I love Outdoor Christmas Lights!!

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